Cycle day 21...first cycle after the failed pregnancy. The doctor said they wouldn't even call it a miscarriage because it was so early. I call it painful and I'm finding my feelings are swaying back and forth between fear and total calm.
One minute I'm feeling calm and I attribute that to the fact that I know I CAN get pregnant. I just want to be pregnant now. I know many women don't even know if they can get pregnant, so I should count my blessings.
On the other hand, if this cycle works, when can we celebrate?
Also, family is in town. First golden grandchild and wonderful pregnant sister who shared her prediction that I would be the last to have children are here in all their glory and keep calling wanting me to come out to Mom's. No. I am in the midst of waiting on implantation and I need to be happy and calm. I will see them tomorrow and Saturday for the baby's baptism. I am the godmother and will be there to love and support my little god-daughter. But, right now, I need time for me. Sorry girls.
I'm proud of myself because normally I give in and do what is best for everyone else. I'm learning it's ok to be selfish at times and I need to take care of myself if I want to start a family of our own. It's not like we can pick up and try again next week. We have to wait another grueling month.
Ok...those are my Thursday thoughts. Hope all of you are happier and taking time for yourselves too.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
I've never been so glad to be normal...
I knew the doctor would call after I posted and gave in and had a bowl of sugary cereal (a very small bowl). Sugar levels came back normal! Thank you God! I have never...ever...been so happy to be normal. :) Still going to watch my sugars and carbs...just in case.
Game on...
Well, the doctor's office never called with my results. I am following the no news is good news philosophy. Husband wants me to call and confirm that all is normal, but I'm not making that call. I told him to make that call. I'm fine. I know I am. (I've started watching my sugars and carb intake just to be healthier. I'm taking this as a wake up call.)
Soooo, back to waiting for ovulation and charting my heart out. I have to confess, I love OPK time. Looking forward to peeing on a stick this afternoon and watching for the little pink line that shows up every month to let me know it's time to get it on! Based on my previous info, I should O over the weekend. Mom and I are having a garage sale, so my mind will be focused on other things - hoping that keeps my stress levels down. Just the thought of getting rid of all our junk makes me feel amazing! :)
Hope everyone that is reading this is having a great Tuesday!
Soooo, back to waiting for ovulation and charting my heart out. I have to confess, I love OPK time. Looking forward to peeing on a stick this afternoon and watching for the little pink line that shows up every month to let me know it's time to get it on! Based on my previous info, I should O over the weekend. Mom and I are having a garage sale, so my mind will be focused on other things - hoping that keeps my stress levels down. Just the thought of getting rid of all our junk makes me feel amazing! :)
Hope everyone that is reading this is having a great Tuesday!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Praying for a Second Chance
Just got back from my 2 hour glucose test. The nurse said the results won't be in until late tomorrow or Thursday. I feel kind of numb waiting for this answer. Horrible thoughts about diabetes and life and diabetes and pregnancy keep entering my mind and I am pushing them out with everything I have. I am not diabetic. I'm not. I know I am not. Thyroid issues...ok. Diabetes...no.
Please if you read this, pray for me that the results will be in the normal category and we can move on to pregnancy thoughts once more. I will pray for you and all you are going through as well.
Please if you read this, pray for me that the results will be in the normal category and we can move on to pregnancy thoughts once more. I will pray for you and all you are going through as well.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Here's a good one...
Just went to lunch with Husband. Here's the conversation we had with our chatty (but nice) waitress:
Waitress: I'm so ready for the 4th.
Us: Yeah, we are too. Ready for a 3 day weekend.
Waitress: Do you guys have kids?
Us: No
Waitress: It's so much more fun when you have kids. (laugh)
Us: (smile and nod)
Waitress: You two should get to making babies. (laugh)
Really!? NOW have I hit my 3rd strike?
 |
| "Oh you are so clever!" (Microsoft ClipArt) |
Us: Yeah, we are too. Ready for a 3 day weekend.
Waitress: Do you guys have kids?
Us: No
Waitress: It's so much more fun when you have kids. (laugh)
Us: (smile and nod)
Waitress: You two should get to making babies. (laugh)
Really!? NOW have I hit my 3rd strike?
Follow-Up Visit and Friday
Today is my follow-up visit to make sure the pregnancy is ending. I understand wanting to cover all the bases, but I don't want the follow-up phone call confirming what I already know. I'm back at work today and I don't know how I will react.
On top of all of this, my blood work from the first visit also showed abnormal sugar levels, so they have asked that I take the glucose test that you always hear about pregnant women taking to check for gestational diabetes. Diabetes. That's such a scary word. Bad behavior has run rampant in my daily schedule. There has been no exercise for fear of screwing up my chances of an egg sticking and I have been consoling myself with donuts and whatever else my little taste buds desire.
Over a year ago, I lost 40 pounds with Weight Watchers and exercise, so I know how to stay in shape. Even though I hadn't gained any weight, I have definitely become soft since we started TTC and need to get back into a routine...baby-making or not.
They say bad news happens in 3's. Have I hit my third strike yet??
On top of all of this, my blood work from the first visit also showed abnormal sugar levels, so they have asked that I take the glucose test that you always hear about pregnant women taking to check for gestational diabetes. Diabetes. That's such a scary word. Bad behavior has run rampant in my daily schedule. There has been no exercise for fear of screwing up my chances of an egg sticking and I have been consoling myself with donuts and whatever else my little taste buds desire.
Over a year ago, I lost 40 pounds with Weight Watchers and exercise, so I know how to stay in shape. Even though I hadn't gained any weight, I have definitely become soft since we started TTC and need to get back into a routine...baby-making or not.
They say bad news happens in 3's. Have I hit my third strike yet??
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
I was pregnant...
Tuesday, June 21st, the first day of summer and I'm pregnant! I took a pregnancy test every day for 5 days to make sure it was still there and to convince myself that this was real. I was so happy.
Friday, June 24th, ObGyn visit for lab work to check thyroid specifically and pregnancy hormone levels.
Monday, June 25th, ObGyn calls and thyroid levels are NORMAL but at the beginning of 6 weeks, HcG level was only 45??
Tuesday, June 28th, I lost my pregnancy. I called the Dr.'s office and the most kind nurse took the time to listen and explain everything that was happening and what to expect over the next few days. I was early enough in the pregnancy that we can begin trying again next month...so there's the silver lining.
Husband is not here. Work has pulled him away. I want so badly to call my mother, but I do not trust her to keep this quiet and I need for this to be kept quiet. I've taken the day off to sleep and just be. I'm watching the most un-baby thing I can find - Tru Blood. It's helping to keep me numb. Hoping to take a nap soon.
CD 1...again
Friday, June 24th, ObGyn visit for lab work to check thyroid specifically and pregnancy hormone levels.
Monday, June 25th, ObGyn calls and thyroid levels are NORMAL but at the beginning of 6 weeks, HcG level was only 45??
Tuesday, June 28th, I lost my pregnancy. I called the Dr.'s office and the most kind nurse took the time to listen and explain everything that was happening and what to expect over the next few days. I was early enough in the pregnancy that we can begin trying again next month...so there's the silver lining.
Husband is not here. Work has pulled him away. I want so badly to call my mother, but I do not trust her to keep this quiet and I need for this to be kept quiet. I've taken the day off to sleep and just be. I'm watching the most un-baby thing I can find - Tru Blood. It's helping to keep me numb. Hoping to take a nap soon.
CD 1...again
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