Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Cycle 7 Begins...

So here I am, 3 days into Cycle 7. I cannot believe we are starting our 7th month! That's insane. What happened to all the warnings about protection and "it only takes once"?

Work has been crazy this week as we prepare for an annual celebration. It's been good for me though because my days go fast and I fall asleep quickly at night. If only this had happened two weeks ago when I needed filler. :)

Husband and I are planning a getaway in a couple of weeks. I thought it was going to coincide with the big O, but it looks like that will happen when we return. Oh well, that leaves the BDing for fun only! I need it - I think we both do.

I've decided that since we have been charting and only know that we got our timing right for sure last cycle, that we would make sure we got it right for one more cycle before seeking medical help. I don't want to hear that more data is needed. Once I work up the courage to ask for help, I am going to need the doctor to step in at that time and start helping. :)

I hope all of you out there have plans for Memorial Day weekend and are looking forward to the time off as much as I am.

Until next time...

Wednesday, May 18, 2011


I'm pretty sure AF is just around the corner. I spent last night sad. Now, I am just angry.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Stressed Out

My stress levels are getting out of hand. I can't sleep, yet I'm so tired. When I do manage to fall asleep, it's for about an hour at a time. My energy level is at an all time high and I feel like I could run a marathon, but I wouldn't because it could ruin everything we've "worked" for this month.

I'm not good at waiting...the 2WW bullshit is a nightmare. I just need to keep busy doing any and everything I can. Don't stop to watch t.v., don't give in and eat cake thinking it will solve anything, and don't think about whether or not you are pregnant as much as possible. Please pray for me that I can find calm and focus so I don't harm this process.

Sorry for such a negative post, but that's how I am feeling.

Until next time...

Monday, May 9, 2011

There's Always Something

Ovulation Pain?
Positive OPK?
The other disgusting signs that I have been watching for?
So much BD I have to beg Husband for more?

Everything is on track and of course WHAM!  Husband is sick with stomach bug.  Last month I went to help my sister during ovulation and could at least justify that I was helping and putting someone else ahead of our needs. This time however, I'm going to have to get creative and try to convince Husband that the cure for the stomach issue is all up in here.  I'm sorry - it's just too much work to wait another month.  I have to give it all I've got.

It's 4:45 and my brain has officially checked out. In honor of Roger Hargreaves' 76th birthday, I am being "Little Miss Naughty" at work and catching up on the latest SNL for the last half hour of the work day. The host, Tina Fey, is running down the stage to present her monologue - Oh she is funny. :) Now here's a shocker - she turns to face the crowd and WHAM! I'm staring at her belly bump. To borrow from a favorite blogger...I've got Bump Envy! It's everywhere - even the places I go to try to escape from thinking of pregnancy have bellies and babies.  

Please God...let this be our month.  

Until next time...

Friday, May 6, 2011

Waiting on O

So FertilityFriend predicted I would ovulate today and yet OPKfriend says differently.  I'm feeling what I believe is ovulation pain, but temps are still low.  Why do I even mention this?  Because I've ready too many forum postings and the thought of not ovulating is on my mind...even though I have been regular my whole life.  I need to chill.  

I'm spending Saturday with my mother and my pregnant sister.  While picking out a Mother's Day card, I came across a mommy-to-be card that includes a really cute mommy-to-be button (which I bought for my sister).  I wish I were pregnant too so I could wear a mommy-to-be button and celebrate this holiday with them instead of what I will be...the pathetic oldest girl with no baby.  There will be awkward looks and comments about how they know I could be a mother too.  *barf*  Don't get me wrong, I am so happy to celebrate both of them, but I am beyond ready for my day.   

Bubble belly
Bubble Belly

Remind me I said that when I do have kids and I'm wishing for time away from them!

Until next time...

Monday, May 2, 2011

The Nerves Have Returned

Cycle 6 ovulation is quickly approaching so Husband and I began our week of fun! As I was trying to fall asleep last night, my nerves and anxiety set in again. Normally, this anxiety waits until after ovulation, but this time it appeared on day one of baby planning. A scary thought entered my mind as I was questioning this early anxiety...is this fear?

Is this my mind telling me that I don't want children?

*pause for reaction*

I know I want children, so this is not the case. However, I think maybe I am fearful of losing the quiet evenings with my husband and the freedom to live our lives as we wish - on our own schedule. I love our relationship and hope that we can maintain our closeness and still look to each other for support and love. But does this idea warrant what feels like irrational anxiety? My rational thoughts try to convince me that it is the obvious fear that once again we will fail to hit our home run.

The part that really drives me crazy, more-so than the thoughts racing through my mind, is the physical sign of worrying. Each month, around this time, I begin to feel pressure within my abdomen/uterus area like I'm contracting my muscles. I assume this is tension that is causing these muscles to tense, in the same way some people carry tension in their shoulders or back. My fear is that this tensing could be making ttc a challenge.

What physical signs, if any, are you experiencing while waiting for ovulation and then the 2WW?  Have you ever found you are carrying the tension in the same way I am?

Until next time...