I was pregnant...

Tuesday, June 21st, the first day of summer and I'm pregnant!  I took a pregnancy test every day for 5 days to make sure it was still there and to convince myself that this was real.  I was so happy.

Friday, June 24th, ObGyn visit for lab work to check thyroid specifically and pregnancy hormone levels.

Monday, June 25th, ObGyn calls and thyroid levels are NORMAL but at the beginning of 6 weeks, HcG level was only 45??

Tuesday, June 28th, I lost my pregnancy.  I called the Dr.'s office and the most kind nurse took the time to listen and explain everything that was happening and what to expect over the next few days.  I was early enough in the pregnancy that we can begin trying again next month...so there's the silver lining.

Husband is not here.  Work has pulled him away.  I want so badly to call my mother, but I do not trust her to keep this quiet and I need for this to be kept quiet.  I've taken the day off to sleep and just be.  I'm watching the most un-baby thing I can find - Tru Blood.  It's helping to keep me numb.  Hoping to take a nap soon.

CD 1...again

Therapy Post...

Just hung up with Mom.  She needed my help downloading an image I sent her of my niece and her father (BIL).  I love to help, so that's not why I need the therapy.  The squeal she made when the picture finally showed up on her end is why I need a therapy post.  It broke my heart...again.  Each squeal, tear, and moment of firsts is a reminder that I failed to give her the first grandchild.  I'm watching my sister give my parents such joy.

Praying...

Ok...a moment of sadness.  Now, let's return to positive thoughts about all of the moment of firsts that will make you squeal and tear-up.  Only 3 more mornings to go until the recommended test day.  If anyone is reading this, please say a prayer for us.

Just stop thinking about it...

Shhh...

I wonder if I ever said this to someone who told me they were trying to get pregnant.  I know from other experiences that I have said stupid things in the past when I should have just listened, but I only know this now because I have experienced the issue that I ignorantly commented on.  I've heard this three times now - once from each of the three people I've told.  *sigh*  I'll be keeping the rest of the world in the dark until there is something to celebrate.

Thank you God for my loving friends who truly care about what I'm going through...even if they don't know the right words to say.

Waiting On Tuesday...

I'm halfway through the 2WW for Cycle Siete (7).  FertilityFriend says "test day" is Tuesday.  I'm staying extremely positive this month.  I won't let myself go there...I just won't...not this time.  Tuesday can't get here fast enough and at the same time, I know I'm terrified of that day.  I have a friend I've confided in about our journey and she has been SUCH a good listener and a truly AMAZING friend.  I chose the right one. :)  Thank you God for sending her to me again!

Celebrating Father's Day tonight with my dad, maybe seeing indie film at new place in town tomorrow night, and other Father's Day/family activities this weekend.  This should help keep me calm and happy through the weekend and my mind on other things.

Hope you are all happy and calm today...if not, find a favorite song, turn it up (I like headphones so I catch everything about the song) and dance until you feel happy again. :)  Here are two of my favs right now...maybe one will work for you too:

Song #1: Wynonna Judd - Burnin' Love
There's something about a powerful female voice that pulls me out of my funk...and I loves me some guitar, rockin' drums, and a soulful song 

 

Song #2: Lady Gaga - Born This Way

I'm usually feeling pretty fierce by the end of this song and pumped for anything

Surging Positively...

Summer Colors

Husband and I just returned from four days of blissful relaxation.  We went shopping, slept in, went to a movie, played mini-golf, swam and just enjoyed spending time together.  After soaking up the rays poolside, we have returned to the "real world".  Have you ever heard someone say that life begins after 5?  I feel like we left the full-time real world and returned to the real-world after 5.  I am SOOO good at full-time real world, and I cannot wait to go back.

The first positive OPK of this cycle appeared today.  It was a very dark indicator line, so I'm taking that as a positive you'd better get on the baby dancing wagon girl!  This is my favorite time of the cycle.  I am so calm and happy.  Hope everyone is having a good day and enjoying the summer weather.

SIDE NOTE:  To those who allow public following of their blogs...you were chosen to follow because someone valued your story.  Please have the same respect for those people when you decide that you would rather become a private blog and do not just shut us all out.  It's rude and I feel as though my support for your experiences was not appreciated.  There...I feel better.  :)

Happy Hump Day to All...even private bloggers.

Hello June...

Every so often I need a change. I usually satisfy this need with a change in scenery, hence the new blog design. A change in color or layout around me really awakens my senses and re-energizes my spirit.

Microsoft Clipart

Today is CD12 and I am "now awaiting ovulation" as FertilityFriend so eloquently puts it.  Oh FertilityFriend...you are like that friend that I look forward to seeing everyday, but then feel anxious and a little let down after our visit.  My goal this cycle is to enter my data early in the morning and then get out...not to return for at least 24 hours.  It's funny how I log in multiple times a day just to look at my chart, like if I log in enough times, the data is going to change or reveal some hidden information.

I've started exercising again.  Since starting our journey, I've "taken it easy" and avoided too much exercise.  This has not helped because I'm still not pregnant, so I'm trying to incorporate exercise for my physical and emotional well being.  I've not gained any weight, but I've definitely gone soft.  :\  Yuck and not helpful when convincing Husband to BD for the 100th time.

Sending positive thoughts and love to all of my blogging friends.  (I'm dropping the "until next time" bit.  I'm over it.)