Cycle day 21...first cycle after the failed pregnancy. The doctor said they wouldn't even call it a miscarriage because it was so early. I call it painful and I'm finding my feelings are swaying back and forth between fear and total calm.
One minute I'm feeling calm and I attribute that to the fact that I know I CAN get pregnant. I just want to be pregnant now. I know many women don't even know if they can get pregnant, so I should count my blessings.
On the other hand, if this cycle works, when can we celebrate?
Also, family is in town. First golden grandchild and wonderful pregnant sister who shared her prediction that I would be the last to have children are here in all their glory and keep calling wanting me to come out to Mom's. No. I am in the midst of waiting on implantation and I need to be happy and calm. I will see them tomorrow and Saturday for the baby's baptism. I am the godmother and will be there to love and support my little god-daughter. But, right now, I need time for me. Sorry girls.
I'm proud of myself because normally I give in and do what is best for everyone else. I'm learning it's ok to be selfish at times and I need to take care of myself if I want to start a family of our own. It's not like we can pick up and try again next week. We have to wait another grueling month.
Ok...those are my Thursday thoughts. Hope all of you are happier and taking time for yourselves too.
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