The Nerves Have Returned

Cycle 6 ovulation is quickly approaching so Husband and I began our week of fun! As I was trying to fall asleep last night, my nerves and anxiety set in again. Normally, this anxiety waits until after ovulation, but this time it appeared on day one of baby planning. A scary thought entered my mind as I was questioning this early anxiety...is this fear?

Is this my mind telling me that I don't want children?

*pause for reaction*

I know I want children, so this is not the case. However, I think maybe I am fearful of losing the quiet evenings with my husband and the freedom to live our lives as we wish - on our own schedule. I love our relationship and hope that we can maintain our closeness and still look to each other for support and love. But does this idea warrant what feels like irrational anxiety? My rational thoughts try to convince me that it is the obvious fear that once again we will fail to hit our home run.

The part that really drives me crazy, more-so than the thoughts racing through my mind, is the physical sign of worrying. Each month, around this time, I begin to feel pressure within my abdomen/uterus area like I'm contracting my muscles. I assume this is tension that is causing these muscles to tense, in the same way some people carry tension in their shoulders or back. My fear is that this tensing could be making ttc a challenge.

What physical signs, if any, are you experiencing while waiting for ovulation and then the 2WW?  Have you ever found you are carrying the tension in the same way I am?

Until next time...